Dearest Friend,
It's cold and grey outside. Our society's election, fires, and general discord have affected many people, making it a rough time.
It's rough and rougher when you are at the precipice of getting divorced.
I revisited my divorce journals to remember my feelings and the advice true friends and coaches gave me about my situation. I want to share some of their insights in this letter.
Dearest,
When you feel like life is spinning out of control, remember that you can give yourself permission to feel differently. Take control of your emotions and thoughts, and you'll feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.
Right now, you have a choice and more power than you know. You can let fear of divorce take the driver's seat, convincing yourself that your divorce outcome depends on outside circumstances. Or you can take a deep breath and start investing in your power and peace of mind.
Try this: Sit quietly for a minute, close your eyes, and let yourself settle. Feel your breath. With time, this simple practice will teach your mind to follow your lead, not your emotions to lead your mind.
Be mindful of what information you consume. Everyone has advice, but not all advice is helpful. Instead of getting lost in the noise, focus on credible sources—professionals who genuinely understand the divorce process—and be discerning about their promises.
When it comes to your emotional well-being, surround yourself with people who genuinely support you and want to see you thrive. You'll recognize them—they'll ask you what you need rather than offer you opinions.
Divorce will stir up feelings of anger, regret, or self-criticism, but dwelling on negativity holds you back and weakens your constitution. Choose a healthier path. Practice small acts of kindness for others and yourself. Try speaking to yourself with compassion, reminding yourself that healing takes time. Limit negative self-talk by replacing thoughts like "I failed" with "I'm learning and doing the best I can." And permit yourself to rest as much as you need.
Instead of getting caught up in negativity and conflict, choose a different path forward. Step away from conversations and situations that drain your energy. Remember that a curious, open mind will serve you better than worry. Focus on what nourishes you, and remember that empathy will help you feel understood and connected.
You will get through this; please own your strength and seek peace.
Lovingly
Sue